Everybody knows what traditional family traditions are: the Thanksgiving dinner, the special vacation destination, the unique Easter eggs. These are traditions that we grow up with and understand as meaningful ties that bind a family together. But what about a stepfamily? Can there be traditions for the nontraditional family? Of course!

Does your stepfamily have any traditions of its own? Often, when families combine, they bring traditions with them that may not fit the new family. It can also be hard to incorporate someone new into an old tradition. That's when it's time to create some new ones, just for the new family.

Why? As you struggle sometimes through the difficult days and situations that you face, adding yet another task may seem like just too much to ask. Don't look at creating traditions as a chore to complete, but instead, as an ongoing effort to build some lasting bonds between your family members.

Stepchildren, in particular, need to have a clear sense of their new family. They need to feel that they belong and that they know where everyone else belongs. Rituals and traditions do that for kids.

There is something soothing and comforting about a tradition. It's predictable, and in a child's life that has included divorce and remarriage, that's especially calming. It's good for the adults, too, because a tradition seems almost tangible, like something you can hold on to when everything else seems elusive and hard to grasp. Creating traditions is one of those efforts with a great return.

How? Developing traditions for your untraditional family may seem like a difficult task, but it doesn't have to be. It's just a matter of making a few simple choices and being aware of the opportunities. There are no rules.

A tradition doesn't have to be elaborate to be effective. It doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. Some families have traditions that include specific meals on certain days, a special activity for each child's birthday, or something as simple as making decorations every year for their Christmas tree.

Be aware that your children may see things as traditions that you never even imagined. To a child, when you do something once, it becomes a tradition. So don't be surprised if your child asks to do something again that was fun for the whole family. It might have been an unplanned and seemingly unremarkable event, but to your child, it could have been the beginning of a ritual that helped to bind your family together. Remember, you never know where you'll find a great tradition for your family -- or where one will find you.

When? Right now! Because traditions can be simple and inexpensive, you can start them anytime. Use your imagination. Any little thing that you can do together, and then recreate later, can become a tradition for your nontraditional family.

You don't have to wait for holidays or special occasions. You can even create a silly family tradition that would make no sense to anyone else but that is uniquely a part of your family. Involve everyone, and allow yourself the flexibility of adapting your tradition to meet everyone's needs. Don't miss the beauty of the tradition you want to establish by worrying too much over its composition. And don't wait. Start today.

Never underestimate the power of stepfamily traditions. Just because they didn't start when the kids were born doesn't mean that they aren't valuable and important. Maybe a stepfamily needs traditions even more than a traditional family, as we work to become one where two formerly existed. Maybe some traditions are just what your family needs.

***Return to The New Stepparent***

More Resources:

Time Capsule of Memories

Importance of Family Rituals

Making Memories

New Traditions