Stepmoms can resent a lot of things, but we'll talk about just a few. You may see yourself in all of these cases, or in none of them. Either way, we all know that we need a clear and giving heart to have a happy life. Resentment strangles your heart like a chicken going to slaughter. God doesn't want you to feel that way. He can help you find the relief you need.

Some common resentments

Being the mom at your house, whether you're the custodial or non-custodial stepmom, very often means taking full or almost full care of the kids. Dad may abandon their care to his wife, intentionally or not, simply expecting her to do the daily maintenance because she's the "mom." Stepmom may or may not want that kind of responsibility. If she doesn't, or even if she welcomes it but dad doesn't appreciate her efforts, the resentment can grow. She can feel taken advantage of and used.

Another area of resentment is money. It's not uncommon for a stepmom's family to suffer while dad pays large amounts of money to his kids' mom. Even if the amount is fair and spent wisely by the mom, it's still easy to resent making your family do without, perhaps even supporting your stepkids more than half the time.

Sometimes, stepmoms resent the disruption to their lives. Nothing is easy, and it can seem like every day requires more compromise, more bending to please someone else. The stepmom can feel like she's at the bottom of everyone's list, and she doesn't know how to correct it. It's not a fertile ground for growth.

Where to start

The resentment you feel is both a practical problem and an emotional problem. Tackle it with an application of practical and emotional responses. Get in touch with your spirit so that you can find the strength to get past this stumbling block in your life.

Start with prayer. Let your God know your feelings -- you don't have to hide them. You may have felt the way I have at times, ashamed of your resentment and yet unable to uproot it. Go to the Lord with your feelings and ask him to help you understand them so that you can change them. Ask him to help you see things from his perspective, not just your wounded view. Even if you think he doesn't understand, he does. Asking for his help is the first step in receiving it. Do that today.

Talk to your husband. It may seem an obvious suggestion, but we're often reluctant to discuss such touchy subjects. You may feel that your resentment will come across as dissatisfaction or unhappiness, or that your husband won't understand at all. It's quite possible that he doesn't even realize what you're going through. He may have no grasp of your feelings of resentment, your fatigue, your exasperation at everything your life is handing you. So tell him, gently, carefully. Don't be afraid to be honest about what's bothering you. You can't build a strong relationship on a foundation of resentment.

Work to make things better at home. As you and your husband discuss these issues, always look for ways to deal with them, and that's what you'll find. When you're specific about what behaviors or circumstances are bothering you, then you can be specific about ways to improve them. Ask for what you need to help alleviate the resentment -- something as tangible as splitting bath time duties or as intangible as more respect from the kids. When your days improve, even just a little bit at a time, you will feel the resentment begin to drain away from your heart.

Count your blessings. I know it sounds trite, but it's hard to feel resentful and thankful at the same time. Consciously look for positive experiences in every part of your life. Especially if you're resentful of the money sent to your stepkids, every day look for the blessings of your life that aren't associated with money. Don't give that obsession any more time than you have to. Look for ways that others are considerate and thoughtful of you, and cherish those moments. Give thanks for all that your new life has brought you, and realize how much you can grow within the challenges you're facing. You'll learn more about yourself and your faith than you've ever imagined. Spend lots of time talking to God, and in those sacred moments, remember all that you've been given.

Fill your heart with what you choose. Reach out to your husband and stepkids and let them become a part of you. The more involved you are with their lives, the more care and compassion you'll feel. The feelings of family and devotion in your heart will help to push out the resentment. Then you'll become stronger and feel more in control of your life, more able to give generously and to seek what you need from those around you.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things." (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Question: What is the biggest source of your resentment? Who do you need to talk to about that today? Seek guidance and understanding in prayer.