Now it's time for you and your spouse to discuss the important issues that you each want addressed by your House Rules. Set aside some time to really talk about what you've both put on your lists. From those lists, you'll establish your House Rules.

Take your time in arriving at your Rules. It may take several discussions, so don't get discouraged. Just keep working until you are both happy with the results. Here are a few things to consider:

** The age of your children

If your kids are very small, you'll need more specific rules: "Share your toys," "Knock before entering a closed door," "Don't run in the house." Spell out the rules that you want to become habits for your children. The younger the kids, the more rules you'll need as you work to establish those habits -- they won't know unless you and your spouse explain to them what you consider acceptable behavior. The Rules make it easy for them to learn.

If your kids are older, they can understand broader rules such as "Play fair," "Respect other family members," and "Clean up your room." The older the kids are, the fewer rules you'll need because broader rules will cover more circumstances, and older kids can generalize better than small children. They can understand that "respecting each other's privacy" includes more than knocking before entering a room. They can generalize that to include not snooping in drawers, eavesdropping, opening mail, etc.

With older kids, it's a matter of setting a tone for your home and showing them the standards that you expect them to live up to. The standards that you and your spouse hold in high regard will be reflected in your Rules. Kids, especially teens, will push the standards you set, but when you have your Rules in place and everyone knows what they are, you have a strong platform from which to teach.

** The consequences

Enforcing your Rules means having some consequences for the kids when they break them. The consequences need to be based on the kids' ages, too, but most importantly, each consequence needs to reflect what is most important to the child who broke the rule. If television privileges are important to a child, then that's what he needs to lose when he breaks a rule. If it's Internet access for an older child, then that's what he needs to lose. If going out with friends is what matters to your child, then that's what needs to be taken away.

Only when there is a negative consequence for the child will the Rules have any credibility. If you don't enforce your Rules in a way that gets the child's attention, there's no use having them.

** The Rules for everyone

Rules such as "Always tell the truth" will work for any age child and the parents, as well. Remember, the Rules reflect your values, so establishing them is your chance to demonstrate your most important values to the kids.

Parents and kids alike can follow Rules such as "Be considerate of each other's feelings," "Clean up your own mess," and "Ask to borrow something; don't just take it." Don't be afraid that your kids are too young to learn or too old to change -- go ahead and set the bar high.

Your House Rules give you and your spouse the chance to set the course for a more peaceful family life. When you have the Rules to guide you, it's much smoother sailing.

When you and your spouse have decided on the Rules for your family, you can share them with everyone else. That's Lesson #3!