Every family needs House Rules, the rules that define behavior and maintain order in the home. Rules -- and consequences when those rules are broken -- will make your stepfamily life much simpler and more pleasant. In this first lesson, let's understand your part in establishing your House Rules, as well as the reasons and benefits of them.

Your family's Rules should reflect your values and your spouse's values. Your Rules will address everyday concerns as well as the lifelong lessons that you want the kids to learn and understand. Both you and your spouse need to make a list of the items that you want addressed by your House Rules. Make these lists separately. Hopefully, they'll have many common elements.

Your list may range from table manners to curfews, depending on the ages of your stepchildren (and children, if you have any of your own). You may want to address issues such as chores or television viewing or bedtimes. Think about what kinds of rules would make your home run more smoothly.

Again, you'll want your list to reflect your values, so think of broad issues, too, such as respect and courtesy of other family members. "Always tell the truth" may be a rule you'd like to have at the top of the list.

As you complete your list, take a look at the reasons for establishing House Rules. There are two:

*Reason Number 1: Rules guarantee order in your home. With House Rules, the kids will know what is expected of them, as well as what happens when they break the Rules.

*Reason Number 2: It's your job. As the parents in your house, it's your and your spouse's job to discipline the kids by setting boundaries, even when it's unpopular and inconvenient. It's your and your spouse's job to teach the kids the values that you want them to have. You are establishing these rules because you love them.

Establishing House Rules, and then enforcing the consequences when the kids break them, may seem like a lot of work, but not having any rules will be even more work. With no rules, your homelife spirals out of control. If you invest the energy now to establish some rules for your home, you'll quickly see the benefits of an easier life:

**1. Knowing what behavior is acceptable and what isn't will make life much easier for the kids. If a child knows where the limits are, he has the freedom to go to the edge but not beyond. That knowledge is both comforting and enlightening.

**2. Enforcing rules that are already established makes life much easier for the adults, too. Stepparents are sometimes reluctant (or not encouraged) to provide the structure and enforce the limits that their stepchildren need. With the rules -- and the consequences for breaking them -- already established, the stepparent isn't overstepping any bounds at all, but merely following through with the plan.

Ok, now you understand your part in establishing House Rules for your family. On to Lesson #2!