The life of a stepmom is one of enlightenment, no matter how you slice it. It's amazing what becomes so clear when your life is such a train wreck! Every day is filled with new revelations, and, as a blessing unannounced, God stands ready to help you make good use of all your newfound knowledge.

As you work through each day and each year, enjoy your enlightenment: in the understanding of past patterns that you couldn't see before, in the understanding of others' struggles as you deal with your own, and in the understanding of your journey to a closer relationship with God.

It's so easy to fall into patterns of behavior when you're living on your own, and you become quite comfortable. Then when you remarry, the changes that you have to make in your life can be difficult, inconvenient and unsettling. But they can also be enlightening, because they may open your eyes to some better choices that you can make.

God may be using some of the new people in your life to help you make some changes for the better, maybe something as simple as a change in diet or something as complex as a change in attitude. He may use your husband or your stepkids to point out some shortcomings on your part that you just couldn't see otherwise. Don't be afraid of having to take another look at the way you've been running your life. God will guide you to any improvements that you need to make.

You will also develop a unique understanding of struggle and loss that makes you a more enlightened and empathetic person. As you work through your own problems, you'll begin to see the very complex nature of everyone's days. In your role as stepmom, you come to realize that issues are more far-reaching that you once thought. There are problems that everyone faces, in her own way, and ironically, your own pain helps you to reach out to others.

You find that your new ability to see through to the heart of a conflict makes you extremely clear on how to understand others' motives, too. From that angle, you are able to make better choices when you have to react to the ex's in your life, for example. Your coping skills improve as your vision improves. And again, God guides you there.

As you learn more about how to make changes for yourself and how to help others, you get those flashes every now and then that teach you more about God. Your knowledge of him grows as your dependence on him grows. And every day shows you something new.

You hurt and you turn to God. You worry and you ask for his help. You cry and he answers. Then you go to him again. Through all of your trials, you finally realize that he's standing there ready to help you, like never before. He's closer to your heart, and you begin to trust in him with a newfound confidence. That's an amazing enlightenment that warms you through and through. God awaits, ready when you are, to help you face whatever comes.

On those days when you know you must be losing your mind, instead of running away, you'll be able to find strength in your deeper understanding of your struggles and God's place in your life. Your problems won't go away, but they become manageable when you let God teach you, when you turn to him first, when your heart reaches out to his.

• Just for today, resolve to make one change that you have resisted. Ask for God's guidance to make a good change in a gentle way, and then, in a week or so, write down what you've learned.

• Just for today, think about how many hard days God has brought you through. Realize how far you've come in your relationship with him, and share that knowledge with another stepmom.