It's hard to go forward in your life as a stepmom if you're trapped in the past. And yet, it's an easy thing to do -- to become mired in wasted thoughts and useless wishes that get you nowhere. The key is in leaving the past behind in search of a brighter future that you can build.

There is so much that a stepmom has to accept in her life. Because a stepfamily is born of loss, there is always a difficult past to overcome. There is often a ton of baggage that you bring with you into your new marriage. There are fears and insecurities that threaten even the strongest soul. And there is help.

Go to God and give him all of your concerns. If you think that no one else will understand your pain and confusion, know that God will. He just needs you to go to him with an open heart and a willingness to grow. Graciously accept his forgiveness, his strength, and his companionship.

Because our children and our stepchildren suffer when families fail and new ones are born, we can sometimes be overcome by the guilt we feel, regardless of how much or how little we are responsible for it all. Even just attempting to find some happiness can leave us feeling guilty and selfish, but it's a feeling we can leave behind.

God can use us wherever we are, and everything we've done in the past will be forgiven, and great things await us to do in the future, if we will trust God to lead us there. Learn from your past, but don't let the guilt of days gone by prevent you from seeing the possibilities in days to come. Genuinely seek God's forgiveness and accept it when it's given. He needs you to get to work today, and you can't do that if you're living in yesterday.

It's also easy to feel that God has abandoned us and left us to deal with our problems alone, weak and ill-equipped. That's never true. God has given you the strength to deal with all of the challenges of your life -- even a life as a stepmom! You will rediscover your strength when you focus on your faith and your abilities.

The God you know is one of mercy and power. When you trust in him to get you through the problems in your life, you draw upon that power and claim some of it for yourself. Your strength is renewed because it comes from him -- don't ever doubt that. God doesn't give us a job to do without the ability to do it. Your job as a stepmom is demanding and complicated, but it's also doable because God never wants you to fail. Trust in your God's ability to work through you where you are, and your ability to be the kind of stepmom you want to be.

Stepmothering can feel like a very isolated task sometimes. Even in the best of marriages, there will be lots of times when your husband doesn't understand how you feel. There will be times when you feel continents apart from your stepchildren, despite your best efforts. But there are never any times when God has left you alone. Accept his presence into your life every single day.

Learn to pray a new way as a stepmom: continually! Fight the isolation and abandonment you feel by accepting God's companionship in a way that you never have before. Talk to him all the time, because he will always understand the ache in your heart and the confusion on your mind. He will hold your hand and give you a place to rest your head -- deep into the comfort that only he can provide. He will not leave you alone. Share your joys and triumphs with him, and keep him close.

Accept your unique role and resolve to excel in it. Accept all that God offers to help you and guide you and sustain you. Pray to him and accept his answers. He will be there.

• Just for today, choose to accept the habits of your stepchildren without trying to change anything. Accept that we are all different and all in need of a little tolerance now and then.

• Just for today, accept the pace of your stepfamily's bonding. If things aren't going as smoothly or as quickly as you had hoped, take a day off. Accept that forming a new family means working through the difficult times to get to the better times.