Unfortunately, in a stepfamily situation, there are times when everybody's stories just don't agree. There are times when an outside party, such as a judge, will decide what will happen with your family. You may find yourself arguing over facts and details, with you and your spouse claiming one point of view and your former spouse or spouses claiming something altogether different. There may be no real proof of who is right, but having a written documentation of dates, times and specific events can go a long way in your favor.

Always document events in cases such as abuse or neglect, and make a call to your local Child Protective Services each and every time there is an occurrence. You may also want to document missed visitations, holiday schedules, vacation arrangements, extra money spent beyond court-ordered support and any other events that you can tie to a date and time. Free software is available from Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center to help non-custodial parents keep track of time spent with their children. In addition, you may want to keep a log of unusual events or irrational behavior of the other parents, but to be fair, keep track of the other parents' positive deeds, too. And note your interactions with your stepchildren if their mom or dad has reservations or suspicions about your competence or devotion.

Document facts, not feelings. In your records, include date, time, location, any witnesses (include phone numbers and addresses), specific comments that you remember, and anything else that you believe to be relevant to the event. Include photographs if you feel they add to your claims. Keep all correspondence and print email messages for your records.

Keeping up with this kind of documentation can seem like a lot of work, and maybe even overkill, but there are a couple of very good reasons for it.

For legal reasons. There is no guarantee that your documentation will ever help you should you have to go to court, but it can't hurt. Emotions run high during a court battle, and the tension can make remembering specific events and details very difficult. Having a written record of what you need to recall will help you present your case in a more effective way.

For yourself. Even though you may not be able to prove much of what you document, the fact that it's written down is very powerful. Should you ever need it, inside court or out, you will be armed with ready answers and explanations. You won't have to guess at a date or estimate how many times a transgression occurred. You can simply refer to your documentation - how calming!

Documentation isn't designed for spite or to make yourself look good. It's designed to keep track of facts and events in what might be a volatile situation. Perhaps, you'll never need to be so conscientious about the details of your life, but if you do, you'll be glad you kept a written record. Remember, "The palest ink is better than the strongest memory."

***Return to The New Stepparent***

More Resources:

Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center

The Parenting Evaluation Process

Parenting Time Tracker

Tips On Keeping Documentation

Keeping A Logbook

Preparing For A Custody Trial