You've entered into an arrangement like no other -- parent, but not entirely; friend, but so much more; family, but with no precedent. What are your rights and responsibilities, duties and options? Do you and your stepchild know the rules of your relationship? If not, maybe you'd like to draw up a contract.

Even though it sounds formal, it's a great way to start a conversation and learn more about what each of you expects from your relationship. You can have a separate contract with each stepchild and adjust each one to include any special provisions. A sample for a young child follows. If your stepchild is too old for this version, you may want to try this one.

You can have lots of fun with this contract and clear up some confusion at the same time. It will help you both reassure your stepchild and assert yourself as well. Good luck!

This contract between (stepparent's name) and (stepchild's name) is an agreement to help us get to know each other better and build our relationship the way we want to. We're going to have fun, and we're starting today!

We agree that each one of us will be respectful of the other at all times. That means that each one of us will:

• listen when the other talks,
• tell each other the truth,
• not bother each other's things, and
• be kind and considerate of each other.

We agree that the stepchild will follow the rules of the home and obey the stepparent, because part of the stepparent's job is to enforce the rules.

We agree that the stepparent has a right to make decisions that will keep the stepchild safe and well. The stepchild will listen when the stepparent makes those decisions and follow them, just as if they were made by the parent.

We agree that the stepchild has a right to spend time alone with his parent, and the stepparent will never try to take that time away.

We agree that the stepchild will honor his parent's marriage. That means not trying to make his parent and stepparent fight or telling stories to cause problems in their marriage.

We agree that the stepparent will welcome the stepchild into her life, provide comfort and companionship, guidance and care as they learn and grow together.

We agree that the stepchild will welcome the stepparent into his life, listen to her instruction, and accept her love and friendship -- but we know this takes time, and there is no rush!

We agree that both stepparent and stepchild will understand when the other one makes a mistake and learn to give and accept forgiveness without end. Both of us will learn to say, "I'm sorry," and not be afraid to say it.

We agree that both stepparent and stepchild will try to find some good things about each and appreciate nice things the other one does. We will learn to say, "thank you," a lot.

We agree that both stepparent and stepchild will tell each other when there is a problem. Having a problem isn't bad -- it just means that we have to learn how to fix it together.

We agree that both stepparent and stepchild will always try their best to make things better between them. We will work together to forget about the rough times in the past and always try to have a better day tomorrow!

______________________________________________
Stepparent

______________________________________________
Stepchild

______________________________________________
Date
 

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