You've entered into an arrangement like no other -- parent, but not entirely; friend, but so much more; family, but with no precedent. What are your rights and responsibilities, duties and options? Do you and your stepchild know the rules of your relationship? If not, maybe you'd like to draw up a contract.

Even though it sounds formal, it's a great way to start a conversation and learn more about what each of you expects from your relationship. You can have a separate contract with each stepchild and adjust each one to include any special provisions. A sample follows. If your stepchild is too young for this version, you may want to try this one.

You can have lots of fun with this contract and clear up some confusion at the same time. It will help you both reassure your stepchild and assert yourself as well. Good luck!

This contract between (stepparent's name) and (stepchild's name) is entered into on (this day) so that from now on, we will know what to expect from each other and we can build our relationship the way we want to.

We agree that each party will show the other one respect at all times. While that does not always mean agreement on all issues, it does mean that neither one will ignore, be rude to, lie to, or otherwise attempt to harm the other.

We agree that the stepchild will follow the rules of the home and realize that the stepparent is an authority figure with the power to enforce the rules.

We agree that the stepparent has a right to make decisions regarding the stepchild's safety and well being. The stepchild will abide by these decisions just as if they were made by the parent.

We agree that the stepchild has a right to spend time alone with his parent. The stepparent will not interfere with or prohibit this time.

We agree that the stepchild will not try to wage war between his parent and stepparent in an attempt to get what he wants.

We agree that the stepparent will welcome the stepchild into her life, provide comfort and companionship, guidance and care as they learn and grow together.

We agree that the stepchild will welcome the stepparent into his life, listen to her instruction, and accept her love and friendship.

We agree that both stepparent and stepchild will accept each other's faults and shortcomings, inflicting neither blame nor judgment, and extend forgiveness without end.

We agree that both stepparent and stepchild will take the time to notice the positive points about each and to appreciate efforts by the other made in their behalf. Saying "thank you" is easy for everyone.

We agree that both stepparent and stepchild will address any problems that arise, never ignoring them, but instead, attempting to resolve issues that could be damaging to their relationship.

We agree that both stepparent and stepchild will be committed to their relationship and continue to improve and nurture it always, leaving the past in the past, always working toward a better future.

______________________________________________
Stepparent

______________________________________________
Stepchild

______________________________________________
Date
 

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