I think a pretty fair synonym for steplife could be stress. Don't you agree? Oh, I know it's just a little slice of heaven most days, but on those occasions when everything goes wrong and you'd rather spend the day doing long division at the DMV, a little relief from the stress is what we need. And this month, we have some help.

Susan B. McConnell, MA, LPT, family counselor and author of Raising Great Kids in a Tough World, shares some insights with us. I think Susan understands us stepmoms -- I had to laugh when I read the beginning of her essay on beating stress. See if you can relate:

Stress is defined as internal or external pressure that produces bodily tension. Stress is the body’s response to the 'fight or flight' idea. An example might be swimming in the ocean and seeing a shark coming toward you or driving down the highway and watching an automobile cross the center line headed in your direction. The body gears up to deal with the situation in a flash.

Can we relate or what? We're quite familiar with that "deer in the headlight" feel, when a sudden hole in the earth underneath us or a really disgruntled meteor dropping at top speed would be welcomed. But life goes on, with or without us handling the stress well, so perhaps we can learn how to manage those "fight or flight" days more effectively. Susan continues:

Stress can be both good and bad. Good stress is that extra sharpness and adrenaline push you need to complete a project, get a meal prepared at the last minute, win a race, or effectively deal with an unexpected situation. When the dilemma is over, the body can rest because stress has allowed one to successfully deal with the problem.

Bad stress occurs when bodies are in a constant state of heightened alert and never relax. Chronic stress causes the body to overreact and remain in a constant state of alert. Difficult relationships, high pressure jobs, loneliness, illness, financial worries, and other ongoing situations are considered chronic. Without a break, or stress buster, chronic stress can lead to physical and psychological problems. The brain is in a heightened alert mode when stress occurs. It sends messages, called neurotransmitters, to all parts of the body to alert different organs and senses to be ready to act. These neurotransmitters cause changes in the body which can lead to physical and psychological distress.

Stress has been linked to heart attacks, heart palpitations, cancer, high blood pressure, digestive difficulties, diabetes, pain, headaches, skin disorders, memory and concentration lapses, anxiety, depression, eating problems, insomnia and other ailments. When a patient is interviewed by a physician, often they will ask the patient if he or she is experiencing stress because doctors know the connection between stress and physical and mental illness.

To avoid stress becoming a physical or psychological disorder, it is important to develop stress breaks, or stress busters, to allow your body to relax. Different types of people relate to stress in different ways. Understanding what triggers stress will help an individual to know how to avoid it, effectively deal with it, or eliminate the stressor. When chronic stress can not be avoided, it is important to learn to effectively deal with it by taking time out to relax. Consider the following as stress busters:

1. Exercise. Physical activity can relieve stress and elevate mood. Health professionals recommend as a minimum twenty minutes of cardio-vascular activity at least three times a week. Walking, biking, swimming, and gardening are all activities that can be done at home. In the heat of summer, consider walking in an air conditioned building, such as a mall or gymnasium. Joining a gym or exercise class is an excellent way to exert physical activity. Working out with a partner provides encouragement and accountability. Playing with your children also provides exercise and laughter.

2. Listening to music. Taking a break to listen to soothing music helps relaxation. Whether you are at work, home, or in the car, take a few minutes to listen to a song on the radio, stereo, or ipod to sooth and comfort.

3. Drink water. Eat healthy. People tend to turn to alcohol, caffeine, or drugs when encountering stress. Drinking water is better for you because it cleans the body of impurities and sharpens your mind. Alcohol is a depressant which can affect your mood. Caffeine is a stimulant which will work adversely to relaxation.

4. Feed your mind positive thoughts. Taking time to read positive books, pray, or meditate can elevate mood and provide mental tranquility. Because thoughts affect actions, feeding the mind positive food will facilitate positive actions and mood.

5. Laugh. The saying, “laughter is the best medicine” is true. Laughter produces chemicals in the brain that elevate mood. Don’t take all of life so seriously. Laugh at yourself and laugh with others. “Don’t sweat the small stuff” as Richard Carlson states in his book title. Laugh with your children. Read cartoons and funny internet stories and jokes. Laugh with co-workers. In other words, lighten up.

6. Have a support system of family and friends. Studies show that the happiest people are those who have a healthy support system of friends and family. It helps to have relationships with a few people with whom you can share concerns and a larger group of friends and family with whom you can depend for fellowship, accountability, and support. Find people who are in a similar situation with whom you can relate. Look for support through church, family, neighbors, community activities, health support groups, and social clubs.

7. Learn to relax. Relaxation is imperative to effectively dealing with stress. The body must learn to relax. Psychologists and counselors teach relaxation techniques to deal with anxiety. These techniques include deep breathing exercises and muscle relaxation. When dealing with a stressful dilemma, stop and take slow, deep breaths. This provides more oxygen to flow throughout the body and help facilitate thought processing and relaxation. Taking a few minutes to sit loosely in a chair and relax muscles all over the body also is a stress buster. Begin at the top of the head by tightening muscles and then slowly releasing them. Continue this exercise all the way down the body to the feet. By tightening muscles first, one can recognize when relaxation occurs. Slowly breathe in and out during the relaxation process. These exercises help the body to slow down physical processes that cause stress.

8. Take time for you. Decide what activity helps to reduce stress and make it a priority. Relaxation, reading, warm bubble baths, a hobby, music, walking, laughing are all stress busters that will enhance mood and well-being. It only takes a few minutes out of a tense situation to help reduce pressure and facilitate well being. Find what works best for you. Life will continually present itself with stressful situations. Make it a priority to learn some stress busters to help you get through it!