The Stepparenting Journey -- October, 2004

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Proudly used as "Steppin' Up's" text for their stepfamily study! The Montgomery Church of Christ in Albuquerque, NM, has completed ts four-week program of A Stepmom's Book of Prayer, focusing each week on a section of the book: Beginning, Struggling, Coping, Growing. I was honored to be a guest on the local radio station to help group director Bee Grill discuss the course! If you'd like information about using our book for your class, please contact me :-)

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The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life

***New Book Coming Spring, 2005!***

* * * * * October, 2004 * * * * *

All contents copyright Karon Goodman

In This Issue:

1. Great Expectations
2. Freebies
3. Books

As you read the excerpt from Kelly's book below, please keep in mind that realistic expectations help you wade through the tough stepfamily waters. But also, please think about your expectations for you -- and I mean those that only you can control. You can't expect others to believe the way you do or behave the way you do, but you can expect from yourself a better understanding of your life tomorrow than today. You can expect to rise above your failures and disappointments and find the redeeming value in all you do. A mistake is a way to learn, not a reason to beat yourself up. You can expect discovery every day -- learning ways to best protect yourself and bring peace to your heart while you deal with the touchy issues of steplife. You can expect to grow into your role a little at a time, keeping your heart open for better things to come, and that's a good start to any day :-)


Great Expectations An excerpt from 29 Ways to Make Your Stepfamily Work by Kelly Kirkendoll Shafer Special to The Stepparenting Journey


The current divorce rate is considerably higher for stepfamilies than first-time marriages. The culprit? Most often, it’s well-intentioned couples who fail to recognize or address the realities of stepfamily life. Stepfamilies are different than traditional, nuclear families. Not better or worse, but definitely different. Most people embark on the journey of combining families with high hopes and enthusiasm. Keep your optimism! A positive vision for your stepfamily is an asset. But you must balance your optimism with realistic expectations. Otherwise, your great expectations may quickly turn to resentments and frustration (or worse yet, divorce). On the other hand, if you’re a natural pessimist, focus on the positive aspects of stepfamily life – more people to love, your relationship with your partner and opportunities for growth. Keys to Adjusting Your Expectations: Let go of your fantasy of creating a nuclear family Accept that you are “just” the stepmom or stepdad – no matter how wonderful, horrible, absent or involved the parent outside your home may be Accept the fact that remarriage is a gain for the adults, but children often see it as another loss Be patient – creating a stepfamily that gels takes time (see Way #7) Keep these differences in mind: *Stepfamily* The couple often has little time alone and must share their time with the children Children often live in two separate households Partners’ parenting values and styles are formed before they meet Children have three to four adults who serve in a parental role “Outsider” interference with your family can come from ex-mates, their new partners, biological and step relatives Children suffer loyalty issues with birth parents and stepparents Typically two to six children in home *Traditional Family* The couple often has years alone before children come along Children live in one home Parenting styles usually evolve together over years Children have two parents Any interference usually comes from biological relatives only No birth parent/stepparent loyalty issues Typically one to three children in home ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Kelly Kirkendoll Shafer is a freelance writer, speaker and mother of two/stepmother of three. She is the author of 29 Ways to Make Your Stepfamily Work and publishes the Stepfamilies Work newsletter. Kelly is a monthly contributor to Your Stepfamily Magazine, the official publication of the Stepfamily Association of America. You can reach Kelly here.











*** * * Freebies * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Speed Stepmommin' Go HERE for this free A-Z tip sheet. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The Stepmom's Four-Week Plan for Less Stress GO HERE. It's easy to print and start right away! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Free Course-by-Email * * * Establishing Your House Rules * * * This Course consists of 3 Lessons, and you can start right HERE! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * Lots More Freebies Here! * * ***

*** * * Books for Stepmoms! * * * * * *** Much loved by our Readers! * * *
A Stepmom's Book of Prayer "Encouraging, challenging, and comforting--this book is just what a stepmom needs. With humility and boldness this book will enhance your conversation with God as you seek His peace for your family." Ron L. Deal, LMFT, LPC Stepfamily Trainer & Author of "The Smart Stepfamily"






* * * * * * * * The Award Winning Book You Need! * * *
The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life A "must have" and a "highly recommended" resource. Get control of your life and yourself with this warm and easy-to-read "dose of thoughtful, sensible, concrete reality." Click on the book and read the latest reviews.






* * * * * *** * * The BEST-SELLING Title at Galaxy Library! * * ***
It's Not My Stepkids -- It's Their Mom! This easy-to-read book is for stepmoms who deal with a difficult birthmom. Some of us have a harder time than others, but there are ways to handle the frustrating situations and keep your focus on building your family. Click on the book and read the testimonials.






* * * * * *** * * The Little Chapbook of Sanity! * * * Now Available by PayPal!**
A Stepmom's Seven Daily Affirmations ~~ Renewing Your Spirit, Grasping Your Role Restore your soul and your sanity with this new chapbook! It's just what you need if you're feeling overwhelmed by the demands of your role and need to find some strength and comfort to help you through. Click on the book and read all about it!














The Stepparenting Journey is published the 10th of each month. If you've received this issue as a gift, you can subscribe with a blank email here and receive free The Stepparent's Guide to Wise Choices. And please, share our newsletter with your friends! I’d hate to see you leave our group, but if you must, you can send a blank email here. 'Til next month . . . . Warmly, Karon Send me Email. Special Offer for Newsletter Readers!


Copyright 2004 Karon Goodman (For reprint permission, please contact me.)