In This Issue:

A Degree in Stepmotherhood
Freebies
Books

I don’t know your exact curriculum, but I bet we’ve all learned a few of the same lessons. Raise your hand if you got an A in any of these:

Time (Interrupted) Management. Do you and hubby have all the time you need to be alone and talk, to be alone and not talk? Because there’s an instant family in every stepfamily, stepmoms have to learn to manage their time wisely, around other people’s calendars. Kid time, visitation schedules, phone calls, decisions that have to be made – it all adds up to a clock we can’t control. But we can use the time we do control more efficiently.

We learn to schedule and protect our couple time. We learn to save delicate topics of conversation for safe moments that won’t be hijacked. We learn to value our unexpected time alone to pursue our goals – and to create that time if we have to. And perhaps most importantly, we learn to look at our time as a continuum – no beginning, no end, all part of the whole because there is much more to come. We make the best of what we have.

Conflict Resolution. An apt description of a successful stepfamily is probably compromise in action. And stepmom is usually at the center of it all. We see both sides and desire peace above all else. With a distinct aversion to failure, we expect to find solutions and then tap into our creativity and resourcefulness. Working with or even without the help of others, we find a way. We look at the rest of our lives as a challenge we can no doubt meet, and finally we discover that stepmotherhood should be no different.

We learn what’s worth fighting for and what isn’t, and we pass that skill on to the children in our home. With plenty of practice, we learn to negotiate a win-win in almost any situation and focus on the gain instead of the loss. We make the best of what we have.

Proper Use of Appreciation. So many things go wrong for stepmoms that we’re often amazed when something goes right! And maybe that’s why we’re so grateful and eager to speak of our gratitude. We learn quickly the magic of the words “thank you” and that it’s okay to ask for the same in return. We learn that we sleep better when we drift off with thoughts of “I’m thankful for __” instead of “If only I could change __.”

Even if we’re just thankful for surviving another day, that means we get another chance to become the stepmom we see in our dreams. And when we’re not so hard on ourselves or others, but aware of the good instead, we appreciate the peace that follows. We make the best of what we have.

Advanced Tongue-Biting Techniques. Ahh, we all know this class well! Of course, everyone would be so much better off if they’d just let us tell then how to live and what to do, right? But people don’t seem to take to that kind of help very well. And after a while, we learn that less is best when we choose our words. Sometimes, we’re better off not saying anything at all, and when we do have to speak about an unpleasant subject, there’s no such thing as too much planning or restraint.

By carefully considering our words, we serve two purposes. Hopefully, we won’t have to choke on any of them or wish we could take them back, and we won’t muddle our message with pain for the hearer so that our point in lost in the passion. We learn to say all we want inside our heads, and then to edit what comes out of our mouths. We make the best of what we have.

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'Til next month . . . .

Warmly,
Karon
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