In This Issue: 1. Of Pomp and Circumstance
|
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
It's that time of year again. Graduates will be marching down the aisle everywhere, their parents watching proudly. Who else will be there? Will stepparents be welcome? How about all the extended family? And will all the first and second family members support or sabotage the graduate's special day? Like most things step, only time will tell.
Whether the shared event is a graduation, holiday or other unavoidable time to interact, stepparents can enjoy the pomp and prepare for the circumstances the day is likely to bring. Have a good time. These special events are not everyday occurrences. Try to think of the graduation or whatever you have to attend as a chance for something new. Tell yourself every day leading up to the event that you'll feel calm and secure no matter what. Look for the joy and celebration wrapped up in the unknown. Maybe it'll be an especially wonderful time, better than you could even imagine. Lose your voice. Well, not literally. But for a few hours, resist the urge to argue, question, comment or interfere. Follow the "only say something nice" rule for at least a little while. This practice will help you more than those around you. And if you have to feign laryngitis, go ahead. Get a job. Sometimes a stepparent can feel like the outsider at a shared family event. Being busy is a great way to get through it. Volunteer to take care of some maintenance or chore such as washing dishes (my personal favorite), or be the designated photographer. There's always something that needs doing. Play along. You may get hit with a few surprises because the circumstances of a big event are unpredictable. At my older stepson's high school graduation last year, my husband, stepson, his mom and I were the only 'family' together in the crowd of graduates gathered after the ceremony. Without her husband or mom around to ask, my stepson's mom asked me to make a picture of her, her son and my husband together. It was a first and caught me a little off guard, but fortunately I didn't fail to comply. Then she made a picture of my husband, stepson and me together. I'm sure it's something neither one of us ever thought we'd do, but we made it fine. Wake up in a new world. My son will graduate from high school this month. Will the event go well with all his expanded family there? Will we remember he's the guest of honor, enjoy the evening and have wonderful memories forever? My prayer is that we will all choose to let the past go, be grateful for the person my son is now, and share with him a once in a lifetime experience. If you have an event coming up, maybe you'd like to let it represent a new beginning for you. Close the chapter on all that's past, and look forward to the best yet to be.
May you learn to cherish the 'pomp and circumstance' of your steplife for what it teaches you and how it helps you grow. Don't miss a chance.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
by Kay Adkins. Baker Books, 2004 Eye-opening and inspiring, this book is a comforting prayer, a wise instruction manual, and a heart that understands all rolled into one. You'll find the author's gentle words and honest experiences coupled with clear guidance for the mountain of challenges stepparents face. It's a definite keeper for your library. Early on in the book, Adkins tells us "there are no perfect marriages, because there are no perfect people." We fail, we harbor "great expectations" when we try again, and we struggle under the weight of guilt and fear that threatens to destroy us. "God's grace, however, keeps the door open to establish the Christian family." Yes, even the stepfamily, she tells us, because God uses imperfect families every day. With Biblical references, Adkins reminds us that a stepfamily entrusted to God can overcome hardship and grief to build something wonderful, just life families thousands of years before them. "Believers in stepfamilies have the same awesome opportunity to become agents of grace and redemption." What a comfort! The author discusses the complicated lives stepfamily members lead and how "weeds of the past" such as bitterness and guilt can threaten the family. Then she gives us "weed killers" we can start applying today to help ourselves and those around us. She shows us the difference between destructive and constructive thinking and how we can make choices to be dependable and responsible regardless of others' choices. She stresses the importance of family rules and gives us valuable insight into what discipline is and what it isn't. Perhaps my favorite part of the book is Chapter 9: Proactive Stepparenting. With simplicity and compassion, Adkins shows us how to make it through those common steplife challenges with the "spirit of power, love and a sound mind" [2 Timothy 1:7]. One of her "power points" to guide us is self-control, and I appreciate the attention she gives this topic; it's an area I need a little work in myself now and then. She makes a critical point that both guides us and relieves us. "Many times, the people who make the biggest impression on us are not those who tell us how to live, but those who show us how to live. Self-control means staying off your soapbox." Adkins goes on to help us see how we can feed the minds and souls of these children entrusted to us, at whatever age, and how to foster belonging in our families by receiving and passing on God's grace. In the final chapter, Hope for the Journey, she comforts us with a reminder that hope comes from persevering through adversity, learning from others' victories, and allowing God to work in our lives. There's even hope for us stepparents. This book meets its goals to help stepparents strengthen their marriage, meet the unique challenges of steplife, and reaffirm to the stepparent that her life is in God's hands and He can work miracles anywhere. What a blessing bound in pages. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Speed Stepmommin' Go HERE for this free A-Z tip sheet. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The Stepmom's Four-Week Plan for Less Stress
GO HERE. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Free Course-by-Email
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * Lots More Freebies Here! * * *
| ||
| ||
"Encouraging, challenging, and comforting--this book is just what a stepmom needs.
 | ||
|
| ||
A "must have" and a "highly recommended" resource.
Click on the book and read the latest reviews.
 | ||
|
| ||
This easy-to-read book is for stepmoms who deal
Click on the book and read the testimonials.
 | ||
|
Now Available by PayPal! | ||
Renewing Your Spirit, Grasping Your Role Restore your soul and your sanity with this new chapbook!
Click on the book and read all about it!
 | ||
|
The Stepparenting Journey is published the 10th of each month. If you've received this issue as a gift, you can subscribe with a blank email here and receive free The Stepparent's Guide to Wise Choices. And please, share our newsletter with your friends! I’d hate to see you leave our group, but if you must, you can send a blank email here. 'Til next month . . . .
Warmly,
| ||
|
| ||
|
| ||
(For reprint permission, please contact me.) |