"It does take time to let the words said to others about you and/or your family not bother you anymore, but it is such a relief when you no longer concern yourself with it!

My husband and I married 5 years ago. We brought to our marriage an ex-wife, an ex-husband and 2 daughters, one from each previous marriage. Our ex-husband is now referred to as our friend, who is also the godfather of our eldest son, (we added 3 children to our family since being married). However, the relationship with our ex-wife has been the complete opposite. This is the way that we have come to live with no stress in our lives and how we try to consistantly see life when it seem to get out of contro:

• We know who we are and we believe in ourselves as individuals, a couple and a family.

• We know what we value, and we have values.

• We are never given more than we can handle, so deal with it.

• We deeply love each other, heart and soul. No matter how upset we are at life or each other at times, we remind one another on a CONSTANT basis how much we mean to each other and how we would be lost without the other.

• We do not care what others think about us. There are people who consume their lives with gossip and ALWAYS will. Unfortunately this is a fact of life; therefore, the best you can do is be true to yourself and not concern yourself with what others think or say. If you are happy with your life and know you are doing the best for your family then let people talk! They must be jealous, why else would they talk about you? Be flattered.

A different outlook is much easier to help deal with this situation. I hope this helps other stepmoms. I know my life is less stressful because I realized that I cannot change others, but I can change how I live my life."

"I believe that ex-spouses tell lies about us steps because it's their only way to make US look bad. In some cases, they have a lot to feel guilty about, so in telling lies about us, they are hoping everyone will think bad about us, instead of them.

They do it to cover up their lack of self confidence . . . the worse the lies, the more inept they actually feel, and the more out of control of us they feel.

Try to remember that the person telling these lies is spending A LOT of time thinking them up . . . how pitiful is this? Their lives revolve around figuring out ways to hurt US! The more intense the gossip is shows you just how unhappy these people are with themselves!

In my case, acknowledging to the ex that it got back to me, or that it hurts me in any way, gives that ex a sense of accomplishment. After all, it is actually ME they are hoping to affect with it all.

How I personally handle it all is:

• If I am confronted by any of it, I don't let it hurt me. I will simply tell the truth, and I always include an "I'm sorry you were lied to."

• I absolutely refuse to allow the ex to win, and she/he would in fact be ''winning'' if I allowed my time and energy to be wasted on ''worrying'' about it."

"I have some advice for the mom who lives in a small town where the biomom lies about her. I also live in a small town and the biomom is a very sick person. I have had to learn to ignore the lies that she and her family spread about me.

We finally had a family conference with my husband, 13-year-old stepson and myself. My husband laid down some family rules, mainly that my stepson is not allowed to report to his mother what goes on in our home, which is what he had been doing - and lying about it.

I finally reached the point where I no longer cared about how she treated me. It was easier to ignore the behaviors rather than respond to them, since she is not a Christian. Talking to her directly is out of the question because she becomes verbally aggressive and has actually assaulted me in the past.

My husband and I are finally on the same page about her and her behavior toward me. He lets me know in advance if she will be at a school event or a sporting event, and we decide whether or not it is a good idea for me to also attend the event. We also pray about the situation. Luckily, our families are very supportive of me in this situation."

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Warmly,
Karon
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