In This Issue:

1. 5 by 5 for 2005
2. Freebies
3. Books

6. Settle your debts. Maybe I shouldn't mention this one so close after Christmas, huh? Well, you're on your own with the credit cards, because I'm talking about the mental and emotional debts we accrue every day. A nagging question, unfinished business and interrupted discussions are weights that pull on your psyche and displace the peace you need. If you and your stepdaughter had a disagreement, find a way to heal the relationship, or if you can't, find a way to let go of the hurt. If her mom misunderstood something you said, take the time to set the record straight. If you've misjudged your stepkids' behavior, re-examine your motives and make apology if necessary. If you and your husband have a fight about the kids, end it well, with a solution and no bitter feelings. The mental and emotional debts you harbor will always interfere with your happiness and growth. Settle them completely as soon as you can. And that will bring you peace.

7. Embrace change. I know -- that sounds anything but peaceful, doesn't it? But the one thing we can always count on, especially in our steplives, is change, whether we want it or not. And fighting it only causes more stress and anxiety. If your stepkids' living arrangements change, you'll have to adapt. If their mom has been kind in the past but turns into a monster, you'll have to adapt. If your stepchild cuts ties with you, you'll have to adapt. Now, you don't have to like any of these situations, but trying to change others, complaining and feeling sorry for yourself won't help. Just because things change doesn't mean you'll never feel happy or secure again. Everything -- stepping included -- is a process and we learn how to adapt as we go. Look at your life and accept the facts, THEN do something about the parts within your control. And that will bring you peace.

8. Pace yourself. You've got all year to make some more messes --don't waste them all in one month! Okay, so that's a joke, but the point is that we sometimes let our impatience destroy the joy we feel from any progress we make. Don't give yourself a list of a hundred goals to complete this week and then flog yourself when you fail. Maybe you'll need to work on your relationship with *one* stepchild at a time if that takes all your energy. Reach out to his mom when you feel strong enough and not before. Accept another obligation as a stepmom when you can comfortably add it to your schedule. You know how much stress and pressure your heart and mind can take -- don't overload either. You don't have to solve the world's problems -- or your family's -- overnight. Your steplife isn't a sitcom, and solutions may take a while to find and implement. That's just the way it is sometimes. You have a long time to become the stepmom you want to be. Take your time while you refuse to give up. And that will bring you peace.

9. Think good thoughts. That sounds like a cliché, but we need to remember that our minds are not infinite space. Again, they only hold so much, and everything we think has a direct impact on how we feel and what we do. Thinking well is the beginning of living well. If you're consumed day and night by the actions of your former spouse or your stepkids or their mom, your mind is wasting valuable real estate, when you could be consumed by something positive and affirming instead. It's your choice. Of course, we have to deal with the agonies of steplife, but dealing means seeking solutions, building bridges, growing up -- so even in the difficult times, we can still think good thoughts when we approach our situations with the expectation of success. Put your mind to work in a good direction, because what you think is what you are. And that will bring you peace.

10. Step into your dream, in your steplife. When we become stepparents, our lives change permanently and pervasively. There is a new dynamic to our plans and dreams. And that's okay. As long as I try to separate my inner self and passion and dreams from all that's going on around me, I'll feel stressed and burdened. But if I allow my steplife to become a part of my dream, I can regain my purpose and peace. Does that mean you have to include your stepkids' mom in your plans? Does being a stepparent mean sharing your private thoughts with your stepkids? No, but never doubt that you can step into your dream *while* you stepparent. Acknowledge the new requirements on your life, but don't let them become excuses. Deal with the challenges, even perhaps temporary interruptions to your dream sometimes, but don't give up. Look at your whole life, the good, bad and ugly, and keep marching toward your dream. It's still there. Trust yourself to reach it no matter what. And that will bring you peace.

I hope you'll continue to practice these steps as well as the previous 5 throughout your steplife. Remember: give yourself time to learn, and enjoy the victories along the way. Happy New Year 2005!

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'Til next month . . . .

Warmly,
Karon
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