In This Issue: 1. Ringing in the New
|
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
A new year usually means holiday bills and tax prep time, a surely inaccurate scale and lots of wrong gifts cluttering your closet. That sounds like a stepfamily sometimes, don't you think? Expense, drudgery, trouble breathing and things that don't fit. Oh, well, let's try to think positive and look for the same promise in our families that the new year, even with all its baggage, promises us. Hope can spring eternal, in our calendars and in our hearts.
Along with our resolutions we're about to make, let's ring in a few new "matters of the heart," too, ok? They have to be easier than losing weight and saving money, right? A New Attitude. If we can get up each new morning and look at the day as a gift, maybe we can treat it that way. Maybe we can see the problems we face as just a part -- not all -- of the day. Maybe we can look more closely for the good that surrounds us, too. Abraham Lincoln said that people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be. Maybe we can make up our minds to have a better attitude today, this new year, and beyond. A New Energy. The excitement of a new year seems to give us the power and desire and excitement for new goals. Our lives are the same on Dec. 31 and Jan. 1, but just a new number on the calendar gives us a renewed energy. We can use some of that energy on our stepfamilies, too. The new year is a great time for a new plan to bring our families closer, to feel the drive needed to adopt new family rules or establish exciting family goals. The calendar gives us the perfect launching pad, and our psyches are agreeable with the energy of a whole new year to work and grow together. A New Bag. We have to carry 2003's credit card bills and extra helpings of pecan pie into 2004, but we can be a little choosier about the stepfamily bag we pack. We can try to leave all the garbage behind and only carry the happiness into the new year. No, leaving the latest fight with your stepkids' mom out of your 2004 bag won't make it disappear, but it will give you more room for something you'd rather have -- for faith in yourself to handle bad situations better in the future, for ideas about simplifying your complicated household, for plans for a year where nothing is scripted and the best is possible. It's your bag you pack, make room for what you want. A New You. Yes, I know that sounds cliche and trite, but it's true. You can become a new you anytime you want, and a new year is as good a time as any. New doesn't have to mean a complete makeover. New can mean a new tone in your voice when you speak to your stepkids. New can mean a new restraint in encounters with your less-than-favorite people. New can mean a new understanding of your spouse's situation and perspective. New can mean anything -- any small thing that makes the new year better than the last. What's new is up to you.
Whatever else you do to prepare for the new year, remember to practice letting go of what hurts and holding on to what heals. The new year is a new chance, unblemished and unrestrained, for you to feel like a "new and improved" stepparent -- building on what's worked to build something that works forever. Happy New Year.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
NICOLE L. WEYANT, Founder, iStepfamily Magazine Online My husband and I had just put the children to bed and snuggled up on the couch to do some serious hot cocoa shots - and much needed cocooning - on a very chilly night. As we were flipping through the channels, we came across a show called "What Not to Wear" on BBC. We loved the idea behind that show... what better way to learn how to do something, than by seeing examples of how not to do something! It was humorous... and effective! We talked all night about how that theory applies to our own "life lessons"... we truly do learn more from our mistakes than we do our successes. I spend a lot of time in counsel with couples exploring positive ways they can improve their blended family marriage. We talk about relationship issues, parenting issues, boundary issues - you name it. Nothing is taboo. The most effective thing, I've found, is not necessarily talking about the things we're doing right, but objectively analyzing the things we're doing wrong. I've helped clients learn better communication and life skills by dissecting emails, situations and exchanges and exploring what went wrong. We talk about possible alternatives, and often even poke fun - in the end - of how off-base we were in our original thinking! I say "we" because, quite often, I have traveled that road myself. Honestly exploring the "wrongs" can be so very helpful in helping us learn what is right for us in our own individual situations! So, in honor of the idea behind the show "What Not to Wear", I have compiled this tongue-in-cheek list of 12 foolproof ways to sabotage your second marriage - or - "What Not to Wear in Your Second Marriage"! 1) Be in constant competition with the former spouse. Be sure to compare yourself to him or her in every way, and don't miss one detail. "Know thy enemy" is for war... "Compare yourself to thy enemy" is for healthy marriages... 2) Harbor resentment for your spouse's bad judgments in the past. No one ever learns from their mistakes, so your spouse must still be an emotional doormat and emotional punching bag. Benefit of the doubt!? That's for wimps... 3) Don't ever miss an opportunity to punish your spouse for the actions of others. They brought these people into your marriage, so they are ultimately responsible for every decision they make; bad or good. And as a bonus - it just feels good to slam someone you love with your frustrations... 4) Be sure to answer the phone, the door, or the email whenever the opportunity presents itself... even if it is intruding on your private time. Stopping everything in your life to attend to someone else's untimely intrusion not only portrays you as a hyper-vigilant citizen of your blended family, but it also shows great respect and honor for your marriage and your private life. 5) Never schedule "couple time" away from the children or family. Come on - you're married now - you don't need to "date"! 6) Feel guilty about every second you spend away from your children. They aren't individuals, and they don't have anything else of value in their lives aside from you. You are really a looser for forcing them to develop outside interests and relationships. 7) Hang onto that anger! Don't ever discuss it with anyone, and don't ever let it out in healthy ways. Staying angry keeps you motivated, and it really adds to your pleasant demeanor and loving, supportive presence in your home. A weekly Tae-Bo class can never replace the satisfaction of a good ol' fashioned rump-kicking. 8) Nit-pick! Be sure to scrutinize every single action, word or phrase that comes from the people in your life! Don't ever miss the hidden meanings behind the words "Have a nice day" or "I Love You"... there is a deeper, malicious intent behind those words. 9) Be sure to punish your stepchildren for the sins of their parents. Don't show them any respect or acknowledge their individuality. You didn't have them of your own flesh and blood - so why bother? 10) Obsess! Be sure to constantly focus all of your life force on the shortcomings of others. You are at one with yourself and the ultimate Zen is yours if you spend every waking moment replaying every bad thing someone has done to you! 11) Forgiveness is for wimps. Period. 12) The "high road" has too many bumps, and walking uphill is too much trouble. The view may be great - but is it worth the journey? | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Speed Stepmommin' Go HERE for this free A-Z tip sheet. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The Stepmom's Four-Week Plan for Less Stress
GO HERE. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Free Course-by-Email
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * Lots More Freebies Here! * * *
| ||
| ||
A "must have" and a "highly recommended" resource.
Click on the book and read the latest reviews.
 | ||
|
| ||
This easy-to-read book is for stepmoms who deal
Click on the book and read the testimonials.
 | ||
|
Now Available by PayPal! | ||
Renewing Your Spirit, Grasping Your Role Restore your soul and your sanity with this new chapbook!
Click on the book and read all about it!
 | ||
|
The Stepparenting Journey is published the 10th of each month. If you've received this issue as a gift, you can subscribe with a blank email here and receive free The Stepparent's Guide to Wise Choices. And please, share our newsletter with your friends! I’d hate to see you leave our group, but if you must, you can send a blank email here. 'Til next month . . . .
Warmly,
| ||
|
| ||
|
| ||
(For reprint permission, please contact me.) |