A wonderful stepmom wrote to me about something she learned early on in her stepparenting journey, and I couldn't wait to share it with you. Here's her "tip" that's actually more of a philosphy of steplife we'd all do well to adopt:

"I remember when the kids were young and we would go to their school plays. Afterwards all the kids would run out into the audience to their parents with big smiles, hoping for hugs and word of praise. I remembered my stepdaughter standing alone in the front of the room looking at her Dad and me on one side of the back of the room and then looking over to her Mom on the other side of the room, wondering who to go to first and how to make that choice," Stepmom M said.

"I felt so bad for her because the choice was clearer for so many other kids whose parents were not divorced. I quickly grabbed my husband's hand and we moved in the direction of her Mom. My stepdaughter saw what was happening, so she did not have to choose who to go to first, and she met us as we all came together in the same space. I remember this situation as one of my earlier 'ah hah' moments as a Stepmom."

Is that not a beautiful example of how it can be when we all make good choices and put our own insecurities aside? Stepmom M goes on to explain her philosophy.

"As the Stepmom, you have a wonderful (yet difficult) role to play to bring a bit of harmony when you sense confusion in the eyes of the children. Learn as much as you can about your role, try to embrace it and remember that you are meant to do the work of God on this earth. You may not always do it like Jesus would, but ask Him for the grace to do your best."

Our best is all we can do, and when we do our best, it's enough.

Sure, it takes courage to put yourself out there and risk getting hurt or fearing you'll make another mistake, but our steplives give us a constant supply of these opportunities

A few months ago, my older stepson turned 21. We planned a small celebration here with our family and my husband's mother, brother and sister-in-law. Then I invited my stepson's mom and stepdad. I didn't know if they'd accept or not. They did.

Everything was fine. We ate, talked, opened gifts, looked at pictures, nothing too scary, just a few simple hours for the benefit of our shared son -- and hopefuly something we can all build on for a better future.

Do you see an opportunity like that in your future? Don't be afraid to take it. And if you need a little guidance or something to help you unite your stepfamily in another way, you might want to visit the new Stepfamily Store. Janice Stephens shares this information with us:

"People in stepfamilies have so much to deal with. There are issues, baggage, and outside influences aplenty. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what is happening to us and around us, we forget that we can proactively take steps to improve the quality of our stepfamily relationships. There is a new company that has developed a unique gift package to help stepfamilies do just that.

"The Stepfamily Store is an online retailer of gifts and greeting cards just for people in stepfamilies. The creators are members of a stepfamily and started the company because they had a hard time finding gift items and greeting cards that addressed situations and family dynamics that are experienced by stepfamilies. Sound familiar?

"Because every one has their own take on how the stepfamily situation on a whole affects them individually, one of the most important things to keep in mind when you’re in a stepfamily is compassion: compassion for yourself and for your family members. Many of us understand this and make efforts regularly to show those around us that they are important members of our family and that their feelings count. Sometimes other influences, such as custody issues, problems caused by ex-spouses, etc., take over and we don’t give or get as much of that as we may need or want.

"To that end, The Stepfamily Store created a gift package that will help stepfamilies bond in several ways. First, they created a classic family crest that is custom embroidered on all of their gift items, which consist mostly of apparel and accessories. They researched the meanings of colors in traditional family crests and chose colors that represent things like generosity, hope, loyalty, and love; attributes that are important in all families. This is a symbol that when seen will trigger a reminder of the feelings that prompted the gift to be given in the first place. It is also a symbol that no one need have any reservations about wearing, no matter where they are going. It won’t define anything when seen in social settings, unlike t-shirts that say things like 'World’s Greatest Step Dad.'

"They have also created a line of customizable greeting cards that speak the language of stepfamilies. It has always been difficult for stepfamily members to find cards that apply to their family situations in the major retail card stores. The Stepfamily Store has an evolving selection of cards that apply to everyone in the family from stepchildren to step grandparents. The cards acknowledge good times and challenging times in words that are relevant to day to day life in a stepfamily. There are cards that thank stepparents for making the real parents smile again; cards that let stepchildren know they can have all the time and space they need to feel comfortable in their new living arrangements, etc.

"The Stepfamily Store came up with one more innovation that makes their gift package unique. Knowing that everyone’s to-do list is long and time is short, the folks at The Stepfamily Store also wanted to provide the convenience of a one stop shop. So, with each gift purchase customers receive a free stepfamily greeting card of their choice, an elegant Euro Tote gift bag and colorful tissue paper. No other shopping is necessary to complete the gift.

"With a classic family symbol just for them and cards that address stepfamily life in real terms, stepfamilies can finally express their appreciation for each other and have moments of bonding that turn into lifelong memories. As an added benefit, $1 of every purchase is donated to the fight against breast cancer."

I want to thank Janice for her introduction to The Stepfamily Store -- truly a unique find for unique families.

And again, I want to thank Stepmom M for sharing her powerful insight. We can all do well to learn from her.

"After 10 years of step parenting - God has given me grace for difficult times and has forgiven me for all the times I've failed. I have never stopped reading books about stepparenting and how to overcome challenges. I am very proud of my kids - they are wonderful young adults," she said.

May we all have a similar story to tell as we make good choices and work for a better future.