The Stepparenting Journey -- April, 2005

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Proudly used as "Steppin' Up's" text for their stepfamily study! The Montgomery Church of Christ in Albuquerque, NM, has completed its four-week program of A Stepmom's Book of Prayer, focusing each week on a section of the book: Beginning, Struggling, Coping, Growing. I was honored to be a guest on the local radio station to help group director Bee Grill discuss the course! If you'd like information about using our book for your class, please contact me :-)

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The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life

* * * * * April, 2005 * * * * *

All contents copyright Karon Goodman

In This Issue:

Ex-Wife Showers Bring . . . Flowers?
Book Review
Freebies
Books


Ex-Wife Showers Bring . . . Flowers?
All contents copyright Karon Goodman

I know, you think I’ve lost my mind. While that’s quite possible, just hear me out. The ex-wife in your life is sort of like the rain – there to stay., because even during a dry spell, we know the rain will eventually return. And while your stepkids’ mom may seem like a raging flood, you can do much to respond and adapt – you can find ways to grow. While you can’t change her, you can change yourself. Let’s look at a few flowers you might find. *The flower of motive.* Have you seen her use the kids to hurt your husband? Has she interfered with your life just because she can? Or . . . have you seen her do the right thing even when it was tough? Has she put the kids’ interest before her own? Whatever you’re facing, you can learn from her because you often have an astonishingly clear picture into her psyche. You can see what your husband and stepkids can’t, so use it. Then check your own motives. Are they pure and honest, or fueled by revenge or spite? Which kind do you want to grow? *The flower of respect.* How does your stepkids’ mom treat you? Does she ignore you, annoy you, badger you, strike out at you? Or does she respect your place in her kids’ lives, honor the boundaries you’ve set, tell you the truth and behave civilly around you? Again, you can learn from her the right way or the wrong way to respond to people in your life. Just as she is a part of your life, you are a part of hers, and she often dictates the field of play you two engage on. How do you treat her and the other people in your life? Do you act and react with respect to others because it’s the right thing to do? Because of the way she treats you, you know either how respect or the lack of it feels. From that wealth of knowledge and experience, you can choose what you grow. *The flower of forgiveness.* No matter how you two came into each others’ lives, you will have some tough times. There will be hurt feelings and misunderstood situations leading to either a lesson in forgiveness or a lesson in misery. If she practices forgiveness where you’re concerned, you see a great gift in a difficult relationship. If she withholds it, you see the damage the evil of unforgiveness creates. And either way, you must make your own choice about whether you will forgive or not. You can choose to hold the hurt and anger inside and let it destroy you from within, or you can choose to let go of the pain of your relationship and grow something more productive in its place. *The flower of purpose.* Does your stepkids’ mom seem to spend every waking moment trying to make your life miserable? Does her life revolve around what happens in your house? Or has she moved on in her life, accepting the past while building a better future? Does she co-exist with you while she spends her time and energy on creating a wonderful life for herself? And how about you? If she’s got no purpose except to annoy you, what can you learn from that? Can you allow yourself to move past any obsession with her and reorient yourself to your purpose, for your family and yourself? Your life interacts with hers, but it doesn’t have to be overtaken by hers. You can grow something completely separate, build something that makes you proud, live the life you want, if you choose to grow your purpose. Think about all you can learn from your stepkids’ mom. Maybe you’ll want to be the exact opposite. Maybe you’ll find something you admire in her and want to imitate it. Maybe you two can become unlikely allies and inspire one another. Hey, it could happen. I hope it does. Happy gardening. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~






[All contents copyright Karon Goodman]

Book Review
Encouraging Words for New Stepmothers

by Jean A. McBride

How I wish I'd had this book as a new stepmom!

Throughout the author's brief but profoundly on-target thoughts on a variety of steplife issues, I wanted to answer, "Yes! That's me! How did you know?" And wise words of comfort and instruction follow.

McBride divides her book into four sections, 'Becoming Family,' 'Your Couple Relationship,' 'Children, Holidays, and the Other Parent,' and 'Taking Care of Yourself.' From the introduction, we know the encouragement, understanding and support we need is coming because she tells us, "the majority of stepmothers hear discouraging words from society at large, from their communities, from family and friends, and sadly, from themselves. A stepmother can be her own worst enemy."

And we know how easy it is to become discouraged as a new stepmom! Too many things can and usually do go wrong. Feelings we don't want overpower us and situations we can't control smother us. McBride understands. "Spend your time and precious energy making your life work," she tells us. It sounds simple, and many of her recommendations are, but that's what makes her advice ring true -- there's something we can learn, do, change, whatever -- something small each day to get closer to that life we want. And that encourages. us.

While the author is quick to help the reader learn how to take care of herself, set boundaries and carve out her space in the family, she also helps the stepmom recognize her own part in some of the chaos. Sometimes stepmoms try so hard that they can't see when they're making things worse (that was me all the time).

This book is a quick read but a gem to hold on to. McBride's words do more than encourage -- they give the reader the permission to grow into her stepmom role, warts and all, with less stress and more peace. And even if you're not a new stepmom, there's still plenty to learn. This book is a great start or re-start.

~ ~ ~ Buy Now ~ ~ ~














*** * * Freebies * * * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Speed Stepmommin' Go HERE for this free A-Z tip sheet. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The Stepmom's Four-Week Plan for Less Stress GO HERE. It's easy to print and start right away! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Free Course for You * * * Establishing Your House Rules * * * This Course consists of 3 Lessons, and you can start right HERE! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * Lots More Freebies Here! * * ***

*** * * Books for Stepmoms! * * * * * *** Already much loved! * * *
A Stepmom's Book of Prayer "Encouraging, challenging, and comforting--this book is just what a stepmom needs. With humility and boldness this book will enhance your conversation with God as you seek His peace for your family." Ron L. Deal, LMFT, LPC Stepfamily Trainer & Author of "The Smart Stepfamily"






* * * * * * * * The Award Winning Book You Need! * * *
The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life A "must have" and a "highly recommended" resource. Get control of your life and yourself with this warm and easy-to-read "dose of thoughtful, sensible, concrete reality." Click on the book and read the latest reviews.






* * * * * *** * * The BEST-SELLING Title at Galaxy Library! * * ***
It's Not My Stepkids -- It's Their Mom! This easy-to-read book is for stepmoms who deal with a difficult birthmom. Some of us have a harder time than others, but there are ways to handle the frustrating situations and keep your focus on building your family. Click on the book and read the testimonials.






* * * * * *** * * The Little Chapbook of Sanity! * * * Now Available by PayPal!**
A Stepmom's Seven Daily Affirmations ~~ Renewing Your Spirit, Grasping Your Role Restore your soul and your sanity with this new chapbook! It's just what you need if you're feeling overwhelmed by the demands of your role and need to find some strength and comfort to help you through. Click on the book and read all about it!














The Stepparenting Journey is published the 10th of each month. If you've received this issue as a gift, you can subscribe with a blank email here and receive free The Stepparent's Guide to Wise Choices. And please, share our newsletter with your friends! I’d hate to see you leave our group, but if you must, you can send a blank email here. 'Til next month . . . . Warmly, Karon Send me Email. Special Offer for Newsletter Readers!


Copyright Karon Goodman (For reprint permission, please contact me.)